Eternal Thanks

Eternal Thanks

      I would like to offer posthumous/belated thanks to one of the finest women I have ever known: Stephanie (R.I.P.) On October 25, 1995, fate condemned Steph to death at age 18 in the form of an auto accident. The vehicle she was riding in struck a telephone pole, sending her through the windshield. A bold and honest lass, Steph made no secret of her desire to fuck (not 'make love', as tender hearted souls refer to it), nor did she hide her sexual fantasies from me. These scenarios always involved blood drinking, cannibalism, necrophilia, homicide, pedophilia, rape or any combination of the above. Although the two of us never met in person, we kept in regular touch from my home in Michigan and her home in New Jersey. If I live to 120, make one hundred new friends or have 1,000 sex partners during my life, I shall never forget the cherished moments we spent with each other on the phone and through our letters. I've lost dear friends and family many times over, both before and after Stephanie's death, yet none hit quite so deeply as the loss her death has caused.

Stephanie Explained

Readers have asked about Stephanie, a young New Jersey female often praised in these pages, and how she became such an important part of my life. What follows is a brief summary of our 'relationship' and what Steph meant to me.

I received a response from her in regards to a pen pal ad I had placed in Metal Edge magazine around the Summer of 1993. She informed me that she was a 17 year old (I later found that she had added about 1 year to her age at that time....) Satanist and that Deicide (a band I listed in the ad as one of my favorites) was her favorite group. Throughout the next two and a half (or so) years, she and I exchanged letters and phone calls concerning topics such as death metal, true crime, necrophilic/cannibalistic sex, intoxication and porn, all topics near and dear to us both.

We began to confide in each other increasingly, and moving in together at some point in the future was looking like a definite possibility. Towards the end of our relationship, I sent her copies of the first 2 issues of 'The NecroErotic' ; she considered it one of the best 'zines around. The final letter from her (around the beginning of October, 1995) ended with these words: "Do you still have those dreams about me ? Some day, they won't just be dreams." I sent a reply, then around mid-October, I sent her a Sweetest Day gift (namely, the "Answer Me!" issues #1-3 compilation, a book full of serial killer histories and corpse photos. I am certain that she enjoyed and appreciated this gesture Like myself, Steph had a HEALTHY Sex Drive, not a repressed 'normal sex drive')

Because she and I were both working extended hours at that time, losing touch for brief periods of time was not uncommon; however, when I did not hear from her by late October, I phoned her home. Her mother merely informed me that she "wasn't around anymore", and would volunteer nothing further except to tell me it would "make no sense to call here anymore." Assuming that she had moved out, I then telephoned her workplace for further information. A very somber sounding voice informed me: "She doesn't work here anymore." A began to suspect the worst, but still wondered if perhaps she had been arrested (Stephanie could display quite a violent temper at times; also, she was engaged in a small time financial scam). Eventually, my mother called her (former) workplace and got the full story: On October 25, Steph had been killed in a motor vehicle accident.

The news hit me harder than any other tragedy has before or since. Chest pains and bursts of bitter tears were my conpanions that night. Suicidal thoughts and feelings of guilt and anger consumed me. Why had I just taken her for granted, presuming that she would always 'be there' for me ? Why was her mother so spiteful as to not even inform me of her daughter's death the day I called ? Those who say that, having never met face to face, Steph and I could not have been a couple are patently wrong, and those who say they "know" how I feel are equally mistaken (if well intentioned). Those readers who see me as a person capable only of "hate" and "pornographic filth" should realize this point: I loved Stephanie dearly, and the guilt I will forever feel for not traveling to New Jersey while she was alive tears at me worse than any cheap shots my detractors have ever (and could ever) aim at me.

She was my confident, my black winged angel, my Madame Sade and the woman I am sure would have wound up becoming my wife. If I had just one wish in the world, it would be to bring her back to life; barring that, my wish would be to travel back in time to the night of October 25, 1995, and perish with her in the untimely wreck that claimed her life.

"Are you ready to go ?"

"Yes, Steph. I made sure I talked to all of my close family members and friends one last time, earlier today. Just let me finish this last beer..."

"Are you sure this is what you want ?"

"Yeah..."

"You're ready to give it all up, leave it all behind ?"

"Yes...well, I mean, I wish like hell that there was another way. Living together would be preferable to dying together, but if doing what we're about to do is the only way we can be together, then....let's do it."

"All right then."

"Steph....?"

"Yeah ?"

"Did it....was it painful, or....?"

"No.....I had a moment of panic, just before we hit the pole, but the my death was instantaneous."

"But....I still don't get it. I don't buy into that whole spiritualist/life after death claptrap. You're not a ghost, you're..."

"At this point, I'm real flesh and blood, alive again for all to see. I died at exactly 9:40 p.m. on October 25, 1995, and time will catch up with me at 9:40 tonight. 19 minutes from now, my currently live body will revert once again to a corpse which has been dead for five years." "So we'll both cease to exist at 9:40 p.m. tonight ." "Unless you choose not to accompany me. You still can back out, you know. "

"No, no, I'm sure I want to do this, Steph. 5 years without you has been time enough."

"Well then, we really do need to get going. Do you have your keys ?"

"Yes.... the passenger door is open. I'll be right there..." 

 

Asbury Park Press

October 26, 2000

Ocean County Edition

Fatal Accident Follows Grave Robbery

      A Michigan man was killed in a one car automobile accident at 9:40 p.m. last night. Police who arrived on the scene found this man dead at the wheel after his car had struck a utility pole along Hooper Avenue. The decomposing corpse of a young woman was also found in the car. Authorities believe the remains found at the scene are the same as those removed from a grave in Ocean County Memorial Park the night before, but have not yet released the deceased's name pending family notification. An investigation is currently underway to determine the cause of the accident